April 11, 2018
Hurry Up, We’re Going to Be Late!
To my fellow dads: Have you noticed, as I have, how stressed out everyone is? We optimize every minute for maximum efficiency. This trickles down to our children when we overload their already fast-paced lives with every experience and activity made available to them. We are on-the-go all the time.
What effect does this have on our kids? In a society where everything is instant, where passive time is frowned upon, and where instant gratification is expected, is it possible we are wiring their brains to adapt to this new status quo?
Take a deep breath. We have a big responsibility to keep tabs on our lifestyles, and a duty to teach our children about balance, rest and play. Our children look up to us as their fathers, and they model what we do more than what we say.
From one dad to another (and in full disclosure, I am guiltily one of these “on-the-go, all-the-time” adults I describe), let’s make time to model a healthy schedule that opens doors for memories, relaxation and fun.
Look at all the items on your kids’ to-do lists outside of school: dance, baseball, tutoring, and on and on. Each one is individually important, but pile them up and there is no time to breathe.
Sit down with your family and have your kids’ typical weekly schedule written out. Ask yourself if it’s too much. What can we afford to take out? Where can we build in a time of rest, a time for family, a time to walk the dogs or build a fort? How can we spend less time in traffic traveling from one “important” responsibility to another?
Too much pile-up can stress our kids out, and the effects and damage caused by this are not always immediately apparent. Remember these important tenets:
• Just because it’s offered doesn’t mean they need to do it.
• Just because others are doing it doesn’t mean they need to.
Growing up is not a race. Growing up is precious, and it happens at the speed of light. We do not need to speed it up by overfilling each day.
My son is now an adult. He just graduated with his master’s degree and has entered the workforce. I assure you, I do not look back at the last 22 years and think, “Thank goodness he participated on all those teams! Thank goodness we didn’t miss any of those opportunities!”
Instead, I most appreciate the moments when we stopped, rested, talked and shared our hearts.
When I look back on my own upbringing, I don’t think about my scheduled activities, but I do remember the one day each year my dad took off work, pulled me out of school as a surprise, and took me to a spring training baseball game. I remember when my dad occasionally took me out to breakfast before school just to chat—our one-on-one time together that didn’t revolve around my school, my teams or my activities.
I challenge all of us dads, regardless of the age or gender of our kids, to create moments to slow down and focus on togetherness. Not chasing our kids from one activity to another to get a leg up, but by simply being together.